John - just wanted to capture the major accomplishment of the weekend. Parker participated in his first swim meet on Sunday. The joy, as a parent, was that he was the only boy from our team that went on Sunday, he was disqualified from 3 or his 4 races, spent all day at the pool in Napa AND had a great attitude ... he took the DQs in stride - laughed at himself and didn't get in a mood to quit because he wasn't the 'best'. It was actually really fabulous. : )
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Dropping Out
My grander objective is to create a positive happy environment ... a long journey, but that's my objective. Having said that - one of the seemingly more important interactions is how you greet your kids when they walk in the door. My Mom always met me with unbridled enthusiasm. So it seems important to set the stage this way.
Me (self talk @2:45pm): Parker wanted Nachos - I'll be sure they are ready for him along w/Guac, SC, and Salsa in separate bowls (so he cant fight w/his sister over it) ... I'll be sure to make her a second batch when she gets home ...
Enter stage right ... the Parker man.
Me (real talk) "Hi there sweetie!" (Enthusiastic) Mom walks out of kitchen with open arms
"Was your day a good one?" big hug accepted and returned ...(ahh, that was nice)
"Yeah"
Okay good start ... he's now eating Nachos happily at the kitchen table.
Enter stage left - the sister - "Hi Mom" along w/a plethora of other topics including wanting her friend to study w/her ...
Voice from kitchen table @stage left ... "My Nachos, my nachos, my nachos" This mantra continues, somewhat annoyingly, but is basically ignored by Mom, sister, and sister's friend in the house. I begin making a second batch for the sister when she sits down next to him and snatches one off his plate... EXPLOSION ...
Nachos pieces get flung across the table at the sister and skid to a tile landing on the opposite side of the room. (I'm thinking ... REALLY? did you REALLY have to do that? )
"Well, he was being annoying ... " as if she were reading my mind ...
"yeah, well SHE grabbed it off my plate"
"Okay - YOU go clean up the floor and YOU apologize to your brother - that was completely unacceptable"
"I'm not cleaning up the floor - SHE started it- and besides, all she has to do is APOLOGIZE? No way, that's not fair I'm NOT cleaning up the floor"
"Yes, you are. It is not acceptable to throw food"
"No, I'm not. It is acceptable to throw food at my sister when she deserves it" ...
Somehow we get through this and on to getting ready for soccer and having Mom take him to soccer. He's supposed to be on the field at 3:45 to help unload the coach's truck and set up the nets etc. He is usually one of the last to arrive so he doesn't have to do this.
Mom: (in rhythym with the blinker and the tires on the reflective lane dividers) "Why do you, pause, why do you, always want to be late?"
"I'm not late - practice starts at 4:00" (statement of fact)
"you know you're supposed to be there early to help set up. Is that the kind of player and teammate you want to be?" (good John coaching coming through there)
"No"
"Well, lets see how many of your teamates are already here ... 1..2..3.. "(all but 2 were there) (Okay BAD MOM coming through here)
"Mom I don't care" (getting frustrated) "look Brian is just getting here too"
"Parker, EVERYONE else is ALREADY there"(Lets just rub it in a little more)
"Just stop the car" he states angrily and opens door while car is still moving
Now my power is being questioned - I am NOT stopping the car at that split second
He dangles his foot and soccer back pack out the car - "MOM STOP"
Good thing there was another car coming, I kinda had to stop. That may not have been the case otherwise ... I guess I'm glad the stage contained an external actor at that moment in time ...
Me (self talk @2:45pm): Parker wanted Nachos - I'll be sure they are ready for him along w/Guac, SC, and Salsa in separate bowls (so he cant fight w/his sister over it) ... I'll be sure to make her a second batch when she gets home ...
Enter stage right ... the Parker man.
Me (real talk) "Hi there sweetie!" (Enthusiastic) Mom walks out of kitchen with open arms
"Was your day a good one?" big hug accepted and returned ...(ahh, that was nice)
"Yeah"
Okay good start ... he's now eating Nachos happily at the kitchen table.
Enter stage left - the sister - "Hi Mom" along w/a plethora of other topics including wanting her friend to study w/her ...
Voice from kitchen table @stage left ... "My Nachos, my nachos, my nachos" This mantra continues, somewhat annoyingly, but is basically ignored by Mom, sister, and sister's friend in the house. I begin making a second batch for the sister when she sits down next to him and snatches one off his plate... EXPLOSION ...
Nachos pieces get flung across the table at the sister and skid to a tile landing on the opposite side of the room. (I'm thinking ... REALLY? did you REALLY have to do that? )
"Well, he was being annoying ... " as if she were reading my mind ...
"yeah, well SHE grabbed it off my plate"
"Okay - YOU go clean up the floor and YOU apologize to your brother - that was completely unacceptable"
"I'm not cleaning up the floor - SHE started it- and besides, all she has to do is APOLOGIZE? No way, that's not fair I'm NOT cleaning up the floor"
"Yes, you are. It is not acceptable to throw food"
"No, I'm not. It is acceptable to throw food at my sister when she deserves it" ...
Somehow we get through this and on to getting ready for soccer and having Mom take him to soccer. He's supposed to be on the field at 3:45 to help unload the coach's truck and set up the nets etc. He is usually one of the last to arrive so he doesn't have to do this.
Mom: (in rhythym with the blinker and the tires on the reflective lane dividers) "Why do you, pause, why do you, always want to be late?"
"I'm not late - practice starts at 4:00" (statement of fact)
"you know you're supposed to be there early to help set up. Is that the kind of player and teammate you want to be?" (good John coaching coming through there)
"No"
"Well, lets see how many of your teamates are already here ... 1..2..3.. "(all but 2 were there) (Okay BAD MOM coming through here)
"Mom I don't care" (getting frustrated) "look Brian is just getting here too"
"Parker, EVERYONE else is ALREADY there"(Lets just rub it in a little more)
"Just stop the car" he states angrily and opens door while car is still moving
Now my power is being questioned - I am NOT stopping the car at that split second
He dangles his foot and soccer back pack out the car - "MOM STOP"
Good thing there was another car coming, I kinda had to stop. That may not have been the case otherwise ... I guess I'm glad the stage contained an external actor at that moment in time ...
Dropping In
Dear Dr. John - I hope you don't mind an added stream of 'stuff' joining the airwaves in your direction. Seemed like it might be helpful to capture actions and thoughts in real time vs. a reactive glace at the week in review. Will probably end up being a stream of 'events' with introspective questions and comments - perhaps some for you, perhaps most for myself ... No need to comment - unless you find it easy and/or helpful. Thanks for the freedom.
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